You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
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i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
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You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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