please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
