I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
