Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
