I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
