IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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