Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
