Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
