So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
