I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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