i just wanna soil my oats bro
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
