Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
