You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
There's even glitter on my cock...
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