i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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