I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
