you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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