First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
