She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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