just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
