All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
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Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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