well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
