The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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