You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
