i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
