Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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