bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
