Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
