I think I won the penis lottery.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
