The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize