Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
