Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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