What did we do last night that was yellow?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
