I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
