You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
