my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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