don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
