DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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