Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
