Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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