the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
