It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
