i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
