I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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