My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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