nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
