Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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