Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
