Pants 0. Shit 1.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I've blown a few things in my day
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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