Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
