so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
