i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
