swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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