Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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