We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
