Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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