I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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