I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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