i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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