highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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