I'm eating all of the evidence.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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