Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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