there's paper in my vomit.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
the liver wants what the liver wants
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize