Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
