Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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