He asked to "fluff my boner.."
hell yes lets make some ravioli
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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