i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
