i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
