First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
